Hummer, bummer

The blaring symbol of American indulgence is about to die. The Hummer, G.M.'s publicly available take on the military's Humvee will be no more.

The New York Times reports here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/25/business/25hummer.html?hp

While its demise will be largely positive, as it will help out with this whole "global warming" thing, which means a long deserved relief from people whining so much -- "Oh no, the polar bears!", "Oh no, the penguins!", "Oh no, I'm sweaty!"-- it is very much not good for dudes everywhere with small penises.

Yes.  There is a new crisis on hand.  Men with zero taste, lots of money, and tiny wieners are about to find themselves in a very uncomfortable place, a place where they cannot easily dupe women with zero taste (also read: brains), mediocre looks, and little money into sexual relations by using the line "Heh...you ever give a hummer in a hummer?"


These men need some form of instant compensation for their cursed predicaments. The Hummer was a long-standing stopgap to prevent these men from going postal or becoming politicians. Now, we've got a quagmire that's about to blow up in our face if someone doesn't soon introduce a similar physical representation of overblown testosterone. And I don't mean this:

 

Dick pants: not a viable replacement.

Scientists, go now. Invent feverishly. We do not want these man taking their frustrations out on the rest of us. 

-aninconvenienttruth