BREAKING NEWS: McDonald's Now Conversational Poon Magnet!

The following is a new commercial McDonald's has been running:




If you're an average Joe, and let's face it, 95% of us are just like Mark Olson - vaguely Jewish, incapable of speaking eloquently to beautiful women unless it's about how windy it's going to be today, regular old, laundry-doin', folksy, upper-lower-middle class urbanites - then all you've gotta do to engage the new hotness in 3C or 4F or 7@ or the haybarn...is talk about the new Breakfast Dollar Menu at McDonald's. (Obvz!!) Talking about your life's passions, successes, interesting ongoings, emotions, cultural interests, her smashing looks, or anything you might have in common doesn't get you jack in today's Farmville-obsessed society. Priorities have changed. Black people have nukes in their Sean John brand Oval Office blunt spinners. iPads have forever altered the way we see the letter i. Chicks dig fast food breakfast burritos.

And once you get on the topic of the Breakfast Dollar Menu, it's an out-of-control freight train to sensuality town. You'll talk Sausage McMuffins, Egg McMuffins, Hashbrowns, "Premium Roast" Coughee, and fucking McGriddles, and when it's all said and done, you'll even get to choose the elevator muzak you've always wanted as your new romantic couple tune. And nothing screams bangville more than Kenny G holding a McMuffin in his teeth.