J.D., not of Scrubs fame, dead at 91

Salinger has passed, but in some ways, he had already. He stopped writing anything we could get our hands on a very jumbo-sized time ago. Megayears have gone by. Thing is, he probably has been writing this whole time, or at least the world assumes. Yet, despite his relentless fever to create works of genius, when there's no one to consume, review, or bash it, it does little good being scrawled in a notebook on some cabin shelf in Novascotia, or Turjikistan, or wherever it was he was chilling with Bin Laden.

Speaking of which, if Bin Laden dies of natural causes in his in-cave version of Hogwarts, how long will it take before we know? I see the Taliban still trying to peddle him as a ghost leader, releasing audio tapes that take responsibility for all things terrifying still, despite his real-world absence. Paranormal Activity - that's Bin Laden. Creepy dude on the corner with hook hands and penchant for little boys - Bin Laden. Hurricanes - Bin Laden. Mold - Bin Laden. Any vaguely annoying phenomena - Bin Laden. Brangelina now Brokegelina - totes Bin Laden.

Sadly, 24 hour news will eat all this information up, and then regurgitate it without the slightest flash of thought of a fact check.

Maybe Salinger's not dead after all?

Maybe Salinger is BIN LADEN?

Get on it Fox. This one's too good to pass up. Quick before Weekly World News beats you to it.